April 14th, 2008 (01:31 am)
current location: Home
current mood: thirsty
current song: Πυξ Λαξ - Ακόμα Προσπαθώ
...I've been typing for ten minutes now but I can't really find what I want to say. My thoughts are so clear and at the same time, so jumbled up.
Maybe I just want to talk to someone, period. Someone who does not have any issues at the moment, so they can listen to mine. It has been my preferred way of dealing with my issues for the longest time now.
The tricky part is, I know what my problem is: I worry too much, about things I shouldn't be worrying. I know the advice I'm going to get: Stop worrying. And it's useless, in the sense that I cannot put it into use: Worrying doesn't have an on/off switch. You either worry or you don't.
It all stems from my confidence issues. I'm currently worrying about things I've always been unsure about. And this is a worry completely different than the "OMG how am I ever going to finish this essay?!?!?" kind of worry - because deep inside, I trust my abilities to finish schoolwork in time, so worrying and complaining about it is more of a motivational and stress-relieving factor. (Indeed, whining serves a purpose, I firmly believe that!)
My current worries, though, are the kind that hits me right at my Achilles' heel. Which is why I can't turn it to productive and motivational worry; I can't take advantage of it, because it eats at me, and I spend too much energy healing the wounds it causes to make something good of it.
(I feel silly using all these metaphors; it looks as if I'm trying to showcase what I'm saying as really deep stuff.)
My point? ...Well, I'm not sure I have one. Just wanted to share these thoughts, I guess. And now I need to wrap this up real quick and go to bed, so no fancy epilogue.